Who DID put the C*** in Scunthorpe!?

This weekend gone, was due to be quite a fun one, a friends leaving party and an old mate came back, so we thought we would hit "Scunny" seems none of us had for a while.

To skip the irrelevant parts of drinking and banter, i bring you up to about 3am where, 8 middle aged blokes started on me and my friends, the result, a bit of a battering from both sides, just as we were about to leave they found us, so we HAD to retaliate just so we didnt get completely pummled (quite frankly anyone who stands and lets them do it needs to look at them selves!) NEVER THE LESS, i thought i would rant on about my home town of Scunthorpe.

If Maccy Ds are the chav’s staple diet, what does that tell you about a town that boasts not one, not two but THREE of these gourmet eateries (not to mention two KFCs and dozens of other even lower-grade greasy spoons)? When I first stumbled across Chavtowns, I was astounded to find that Scunthorpe had not already been nominated as the capital of the USA of Chav. Yes, Grimsby is bad, but Scunthorpe seems to have a higher population of chavs and pikeys crammed into an even smaller area. When I first moved here 15 years ago they were confined mainly to the Riddings and Westcliff ghetto estates – the Cheltenham and Gloucester of Scunny chavdom – but now they’ve seeped out into almost every part of town. Every day streets, which, although by no means “posh”, used to be at least relatively quiet and tidy, has become infested with dilapidated caravans and clapped-out Astras and Novas complete with photo-copied tax discs and populated with the standard issue loud-mouthed Burberry-clad, multiple-pierced, DIY-tattooed, sovereign-ring-wearing chavs and chavettes.

Other aspects of this pikey paradise: in addition to Aldi, Lidl and Netto we enjoy the facilities of two Home Bargains shops and two Poundstretchers, as well as numerous everything-for-a-pound one-stop crap-shops. Thursday is Ashby Market Day when chavs from near and far come to browse among the stalls overflowing with mobile-phone accessories, dodgy DVDs and cheap Burberry and Von Dutch knock-offs. Scunthorpe is not well-known for its nightlife – most serious drinkers tend to head off for Cleethorpes or Doncaster – but the more home-loving chavs can still spend an enjoyable Saturday evening getting bladdered in Love2Love, Light, or Schnapps Bar. Although after my experiences, Bamboogee seems to be the place to find little men who look like they carry sheep underneath their arm all, all sporting the same shirt from Tescos Cherokee clothing range.Up until that point, i hadnt been to Scunny since i was 17!

I live near Scunthorpe, I survived the plague by becoming a hermit.

In general, chavviness can be seperated via the colleges, North Lindsey is highly infected with chavs, wheras John Leggott only has a couple, as some of my (ex) classes are full of spoilt plastic "upper" class girls, who are annoying, but not infectious.

I think we finally know the answer to that age-old question: Who put the “cunt” in “Scunthorpe”?

Answer? Probably the same person who named a village Twatt.